


A Wilted Lotus

by Sansinger



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Depression, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, I'm Sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sansinger/pseuds/Sansinger
Summary: So, you got attached, huh? Pitiful
Relationships: Hijiri Byakuren/Toyosatomimi no Miko
Comments: 19
Kudos: 9





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi kids! Do you like depression and yearning? Think coughing up flowers is...kinda romantic? Need more Hijiri x Miko in your life and don't mind that I am always uploading it nowadays? Then you've come to the right place!

_ Hack, hack! _

From tired lungs, a pounding chest, among a fit of coughs and hacks, came out a few wonderfully plucked lotus petals. 

“W-what the hell?” 

Hijiri Byakuren looked down at what she just coughed up. This morning she had a bit of chest pain, nothing graphic. But now this? The monk couldn’t think straight, her mouth still tangy with the taste of wax and her chest feeling the pain of slightly more pressure. There was something wrong. Something so wrong she knew she must’ve been the first case of this happening. Coughing up flower petals...was this even real? It had to be a dream. The sky is still dark, this is all just a bad nightmare. Research can be done in the morning. She’ll be fine. She has to be.


	2. Chapter 1

Near the moment of dawn, Byakuren had gotten herself ready. Ichirin was barely awake when she asked where she was going.

"Off on some business. I need to go quickly, just for a short while," she responded. 

Where she was going was the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Their library had everything possible, and once granted access inside Byakuren went searching.

“So, thanks for having me, but here’s an odd request,” the monk said to Patchouli. “Do you have anything on, say, a condition where people cough up flower petals?”

Byakuren expected pure confusion. But Patchouli acted like this was a regular question asked often. “You mean hanahaki? Where did you learn that even? I didn’t know you had much interest in the Outside World and their shenanigans. But, if you need something on it, have this.”

Patchouli walked away for a second, coming back with a rather thin book bound in leather. “Just give it back when you’re down. I doubt a monk would act like Marisa, but I never know anymore.”

Byakuren nodded and muttered a thanks, sitting down against a wall. She felt a mild urge to cough, but managed to hold it in. Now was not a good time. So she read on, trying to make sense of what was going on.

As the book said, hanahaki was a condition, mostly used in the outside world in terms of fiction, in which a person who developed feelings for someone coughed up flower petals. The only solutions were to confess their love and have it returned, or have the flowers removed surgically (however, side effects included not being able to love again). If neither was done, the victim would suffocate in a sea of flowers. 

That was bad news enough. Love? Not acceptable as a monk. Just reading the words made Byakuren shiver ever so slightly, curling up more into a ball as a stress response. But to be so attached your lungs grow flowers? More than a sin. She wasn’t even aware of who she had come to love— but honestly, did she want to find out? 

Byakuren returned the book and quickly left. She may have coughed up a petal or two on the walk back, but with every cough it became increasingly harder to ignore the pressure in her chest and her coughing urges. Every cough was followed by gasps for air. The process was pure dread.

Byakuren spent much of her time on that walk thinking. Thinking about what this meant for her. If any of her followers found out their leader had fallen in love they surely would despise her. But if she didn’t speak up those flowers would eventually suffocate her in a slow, painful death. And to add, if the condition kept getting as rapidly worse as it did so far, it was a matter of time before she would be discovered. So everything was a lose-lose outcome.

The monk remembered one thing, though. She knew Buddhist teachings well, and it said that some people suffered plenty before their deaths and afterlives in hell. Was this physical pain as worse as hell? Would it psychological be as much too? Would Byakuren’s feelings, going against everything she as a monk had worked up to her whole life, lead her to an eternity of doom?

I doubt I’ll survive this. And to have my entire life and work, all thrown out practically overnight….

But, still, ultimately, who could she love to bring that much pain? Coughing up flowers until you suffocate is a horrid fate, and surely it couldn’t have been without reason. She could meditate on it, but one idea immediately came to mind.

Toyosatomimi no Miko.

It was a far fetch. But Byakuren couldn’t figure out who else she might have accidentally fallen in love with to cause such a response. Was she getting too close to the Taoist? The answer could’ve been yes. And for that, this was now her punishment. But when she knew who it was, she knew for sure she’d end up in the grave with that love. 


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I forgot this? Well, I did. At this point all my other works have been so slow due to my mental state and I'm not sure if my work is quality, and I did begin work on this with a similar state of mind. Guess now is the time to finally get productive again.

Byakuren never knew she could lie so well.

"I'm fine!" "Don't worry, it's just a cough." "I'm doing good!"

It wasn't a pleasant skill.

It had been a few days now, and the monk was only growing anxious by the day. Hanahaki truly acted like a disease; those flowers grew like a virus, every day felt worse. 

Sometimes Byakuren could slip away. Just get it out and hurry back. The wax taste was disgusting- what else did she expect really? Second to roses, lotus flowers may have been the worst possible punishment for her.

The monk also grew nervous. Nobody knew the truth, but they did know Byakuren was coughing an awful lot. I guess you can't always hold it in. Murasa already asked her if she felt sick, and in a daze of mental panic Byakuren slipped away with a "it's just something in my throat".

_Technically_.

The monk knew her friends and followers would find out soon enough. It was a matter of time, really. She had no doubt in knowing they would support and help her through anything. But maybe not this time. Who knew! Byakuren couldn't think as straight as a road like she used to.

That road wouldn't be a fun trip, as she'd soon learn.


	4. Chapter 3

Everything went downhill at a rapid speed.

How many more petals was Byakuren coughing each day? Twenty? Thirty? How terrible…

With more petals came more urges. Concern was growing rapidly- the monk couldn’t go outside of her own room in the morning without hacking and wheezing right away. Rightfully so. Byakuren swore she was trying her hardest, you can’t blame her. Try imaging a mix between the cough of when you’re choking and the feeling of nausea when you’re deep in a case of food poisoning, add in the lack of breath after running any considerable distance, and that was what Byakuren went through every couple minutes.

One day, just barely a week after this disease emerged, truth came to pass.

It was sudden. Byakuren had grown her own techniques and skills in order to not cough as much as possible, but those quickly failed her. Luckily for her this all happened inside the safety of her own room, where she counted five large lotus petals by the end of the (twenty some minutes?) session of rapid coughs. Always frightening. Maybe just some time with a friend will help, the monk thought. Maybe if she went outside with Kyouko- listen to her rehearsal music despite it never being her thing- she would find her focus cancelled out at least something of her symptoms.

Kyouko was so, so excited when Byakuren wanted to do that with her. And why not? All of her followers loved her. But back luck striked this time. Kyouko didn’t even notice at first, she was too busy trying to carry her microphone and the sound of sickness had oddly become all too familiar. The monk needed a visit to a doctor soon, sure. The yamabiko had planned to suggest it anyway. Byakuren had run off to the side, frantic.

However, it seemed to take her a long time to get better or come back. Kyouko could wait for a while, then became curious, then downright worried. She walked to where she saw Byakuren, keeping rather silent in order to not possibly disturb the monk. She was just worried, after all.

“Hey, are you okay?”

_ Caught _ .

Byakuren went silent when she heard the yamabiko’s voice. Too long, too loud, too obvious! Busted right there and then, did Kyouko even know what she walked in on? She had to explain-

Byakuren turned around, petals in hand. They were still damp with saliva and whatever bodily fluids it picked up along its track. There were maybe three of them, an awful lot but the least expected nowadays. Kyouko went pale when she noticed, a mix of confused and fearful.

“Honestly? The pure opposite.”

“Uhm, w-what?! What’s going on?!”

Byakuren let the petals flow away off her hand- the wind could take those dreaded things out of sight- saying “Well, here’s a funny story.. _ hack!-“ _

__ The monk went back to choking on the flowers almost immediately, bending over and turning back to the side. The lotus was merciful for once, Byakuren took one cough and the petal flew out. Finally, some comfort. But there was more explaining.

Byakuren laid her hand on the shoulder of the (rightfully mortified by now) Kyouko, trying to muster her calmest voice and saying “Sigh...it’s long and it’s not pretty. I can explain back at the temple, I have some confessions for everyone else anyway.”


End file.
